the ending and the begining

dear diary,

now how am i going to begin this?
i told myself that i must post something before the year ends.
so here i am, even though its so difficult to type with this nails, i am still doing it.
*proud smile*

a couple of a days ago, i was sitting on a lazy chair in malacca, thinking of this whole year.
what have i accomplished?
tough question.

anyway this year has been one heck of a year.
college.
family.
friends.
life.

im happy that i've managed to balance everything well.

good grades in college, maintaining my A's.
good relationship with family, even though there was the down's with kor.
good friends that have stuck by, though i think i've lost a few friends that were once the closest to me.
good life, i pulled through all the obstacles and enjoyed it till how-much-i-could.

oh there were the down parts.
i mean when was life ever perfect?

the passing of BJ.
the lost LV wallet.
that traggic friday night.
the drama with kor, almost a month?
the never ending drama with babylove, every other day?
the worrying days.
the period time that was monthly.
the drama with friends, twice?
the car tatoo artist, me
the drama because of people.
the list is longer, i choose not to remember.....

but above all these, were the best of times i shared with my family and friends.
the relationship i've built with GOD especially.
i mean he's for real!
felt the wonders that he has done for me. :)

so now a brand new year is about to begin.
resolutions?
must i have one?
mhmmm....

patient.
i need to be.

happiness.
i want.

peace.
i need.

love.
i want to give and receive.

and thats about all.
maintaining the rest,.......
goodbye 07.

pictures.
surprise.

WELCOME 2008!

ahem

i got my eliza.
its black multi colour.

and birki's! :)
its another one.

i love.....

christmas is a time to love

UPDATES.

oh i ate durian.
so 'la ker'.....

..........


the arcylic nails is longer this time.
i cant type fast on the keyboard.
super cumbersome actually.
this nails are for people to parade it.
it slowing down my life!
my pace.
no REALLY la.

..........


aunty rose came today.
and no comments.

..........


christmas eve is tomorrow.
my family is going for the midnight mass.
woah, havent done this in ages.
i am happy.
there are a lot of presents under the tree.
i am glad everyone in the house is spreading the love and joy.

..........


first christmas without BJ.
he would actually be turning 10 years old.
big boy.
its alright, he is in heaven, having a gala with the rest.

..........


no christmas wishlist.
but the boyfriend was sweet to buy me 3 gifts thats siting under the tree.
his clue: you'll never get enough
my clue: you never had it
hahahahhahahahahahha!
woah, we 'ta kau' like mad but still have to make it up, cos its only us.
so farny.

..........


shopping with mom is just so fun.
no, its not the part where she buys me whatever i want.
its the part when we laugh and joke and walk hand in hand.

..........


my handphone has got bruises.
well it slipped one too many times from my hand.
its good to go.
i hope it'll last.

..........

and i cant type anymore.
hate the fact that i cant type fast cos of this nails.
still loving it. :)

..........


my readers....
BLESSED CHRISTMAS!
may this christmas bring you my 3 favorite things; love, peace and joy. :)

my hair.

so i was very kan cheong to do something about my hair.
and i couldnt wait any longer.
didnt want too either.
so i sat in the salon changing my mind over and over again.
but it is finally done. :)
and now, i dont wish to explain how it looks.
i'd prefer you to see it for yourself.

and i hated it when i asked, "is my hair nice"
and to then get this damn fucked of an answer.
forgiven biatch!

this black guy pissed me off today.
i swear his cocky-NESS spoilt my day.

screw that.

i miss my mummy and daddy. :(

durian lover.

6 months ago.
well from the start of the year
i told myself that i would let my hair grow
because i would want to do braids for christmas.

now.
12 days to christmas.
and looks like nobody wants me to braid my hair.
so i've been wondering, what should i do with it then?
as the split ends is spliting right up,
its high time i stopped trimming my hair and cut it instead.

so i was thinking maybe i should braid my hair tomorrow and before christmas cut my hair.
waste of money. i think.
so i was thinking maybe i should cut my hair and dye it tomorrow.
sounds like a plan? i think.

i dont know what to do.
gosh, this is tougher than my terms.
so i have the money. thanks mother darling.
just dont know what to do with it.
and maybe braiding it isnt a good idea after all. :(

so i should cut it tomorrow then. :)
should i?
boy is this a tough decision.
i am going to sleep.

i had a bad day

today could never get worst.
oh but i survived.
boy was it one heck of a day today.
but it comes down to this,
its ended.
hopefully.
before i pull another drama,
gosh i will flop the tables upside down.
and i guess, its enough.
so im hoping tomorrow would be a better day.
one with no drama-rama.

i put my drama aside.
on another note.

here's something i want to say.
to someone who means a lot to me.
i hope you know who you are. :)

to my dearest.
i love you so freaking much, i dont want to see you go through this.
i want to go through it with you, but i dont know how.
whatever it is, i care.
i want to be there for you, because i love you.
please remember that i love you.
i really do and i would never ever give up on you.
i promise.

love

the christmas tree is up, finally.
so-not-the-lewis-tradition.
to put it up 2 weeks before christmas.

i was telling mother.
"the rm500 you gave me, i would be spending it on christmas presents"
she says, "dont waste your money"

was thinking about it.
after all, christmas isnt about buying people expensive presents.
now, that simply leads us to thinking of christmas like kiddo's.
christmas has more to it than the presents.
and only if you discover it, would you appreciate it.

i am off . . . . . .
to have luncheon with the lewis.
love

blue christmas

the spirit never came.
its so blue.

but there is one word in my mind.
conversion.

its times like this i realize that i've grown up.
i dont have a christmas wish list. :)

p/s: i lost so much in my life. and whether its for the betterment? i dont want to care.

a question hit me in the face.
and i still kept persuading myself otherwise.

maybe its time i gave up.
and live life as it is - what it offers

3.december.2006 and today

it has been one heck of a roller coaster ride.
there are only two people on it and still on it.
it hasnt been an easy one.
believe me, i really had to hold on tight and am still holding on.
i guessed if that second i decided to let go and he didnt catch me,
i'd fall and there goes this chapter of my life.
but here goes something to talk about.......

and bla bla bla bla bla, there's a never ending or neither nor.

so today......
i received a bouquet of roses in the morning.
oh it had a good delivery boy. :)
he was on time, just after i showered in the morning.
and so i walk into the dining area, and see this boy smiling.
and into my room and see this bouquet staring back at me.
not back to kick start. :)

since college ended earlier, i texted my driver.
and i get this reply from him, it reads.
"airen, adwin akan dtg ambil airen."
i just love how abang spells our name according to how he pronounces it.

so i get in the car and he drives off.
he then tries to pull off at the side but he could not, it was a no waiting area.
so he drives off.
then we hear this loud sound, it was the beer can rolling from one end to the other.
and then i was going to open the desktop to put it in but i decided i should not.
so i left it on the ground.
and while at the traffic light, he takes off my shades.
then he asks me to close my eyes.
(note: we're on the road)
he opens the desktop and takes something off.
i couldnt close my eyes for long, so i covered it with my hand.
i hear a bell.
he carries my right leg and i knew what it was.
he put the anklet on and i opened my eyes.
what a nice gold anklet. :)
with two bells.
this i couldnt help but smile widely.
and so i found out how much he paid for the anklet.
woah, so much lor...rm950 is too much for me

mom says,"he should have gotten you a handbag with that money"
i say,"its okay, i wanted an aklet anyway"

and so today was a very good day.
i enjoyed it.
so what i got him was not near to what he got me.
its like. 2:10
wow!
but anyhoo, its the thought that counts. :)
i am happy he likey what i got him.
city glam loving.

okay so anniversary is over.
christmas is coming.

and he hinted.
"i am buying you something you lost. so you must be good to me."
ish, threatening!
like a stupid i said, "handphone?"
and then i remembered, the LV bag went along as well, with the robber/dude ass.
hahahahhahahahahahahhhaa.........
keeping my hopes low and not expecting. :)
cos tis the season to be giving!
fa la la la la la la la la....

something special

i went to church today.
and while praying, i asked god for three things.
love, peace, joy.
the three things that would make me whole again.
and one of the songs sang today.

"my peace that i give unto you. its a peace that the world cannot give. its a peace that the world cannot understand. peace to know. peace to live. my peace i give unto you.

my love that i give unto you. its a love that the world cannot give. its a love that the world cannot understand. love to know. love to live. my love i give unto you.

my joy that i give unto you. its a joy that the world cannot give. its a joy that the world cannot understand. joy to know. joy to live. my joy i give unto you."

he's so so real.
i felt him.
he answered my prayer.
i cried. i smiled.
and i am happy.
so very.