to think, i need silence

fact. fakta.

do you know that i blog the way i speak?
and so half the time it seems like what i am saying is half hanging or rather broken.
oh well, now you know.
believe it or not. *shows off my 25 set of teeth [note: odd number, cos i am wiser]*

_____________________


i have a long story and so if i cut my nonsense short,
lets see how well i am at summarizing,
whether i can get a distinction for it, no?

ala, i lazy want to type ba.
cos the nails so long, i keep "tiak tiak tiak" with so many error da.

but if only i am lucky, i will show.
for now its rm1600.
and 'cleber' me said,
"yes can you please reserve it for me, my name is irene. yes its lewis. L E, W I S. my number is digi number. i really want it and i will get it by saturday. yes definitely. thank you, bye"
and puts the phone down.

this is a cut short conversation i had with a lady in the coach pavillion store.

p/s: i am a kid, i live with it. can you handle me? i want surprises, takers?

na.da

i was looking at pic.ture.s
not my pictures but even so, i was in some of it.

and somehow everything brought back shit memories.

first there was the dancing with only god knows who.

second there was the going out with only god knows who.

third there was the hugging only god knows who.

fourth....lets not continue

and only god knows why i go through this, again and again

and so i rather look at a pretty picture.

and no one could guess this within the given time frame because i drew it, and it is my version of pink panther!! **i even added the butttterflyyyy

and i am certain you will be like, "huh? what?"

but eh i remember pink panther with the butterflyyyyyy lar....

p/s: i cant draw. so dont be in my group, we'll make a lousy team. (:

i am back, in action. now

it is so cumbersome to type with my X TRA long nails.

Q: why did i ask for the nails to be 'this' long?
A: uni hasnt begun. to add on, i can still do chores. *smiles*

anyway... penang i went and came back.
so before i left i had to pack, duh.
and being the lazy irene........
i didnt want to pack and wished my kakak was around to fold my clothes and arrange my things in my luggage.
well, i miss having a maid
i was screaming on my bed, bestie thought i was mad.
"kak, kakak, kakak, kakak, kakak!"

ah, no one answered.........
cos at the moment, i am the new maria

"kak, tolong bawa babi saya"
yea, and only my kakak knows what i am asking for, my bubu.

enough about it, i cross my fingers and pray
that the maid supposedly to arrive will arrive at no.39.

pe.nang
cant do a summary maybe a line or two.......

the highlight would be saint anne's feast and the lowlight** would be out and about in the streets of penang.

it was my very first time to the church and it was.......
amazing.
beautiful.

i closed my eyes and prayed for a lot. just so much.

p/s: i lazy to type..... "kak...." hahahhahahaha.
noticed that there is no error anymore?
yeah i am using my pc not notebook.

happy mood....

the error made in this posr will b e diue to long nnails.

anhd so i got extensions again and this time it is so long that it is so hqard to type;.

its long and relly long that i hear the "tiak tiak tiaK' everytijme ik type and i am so layz to bgackspace and typed becausdr i will be aking the same error again.

anyway i golt my hair doln e actually i juswt golt my fringet snipp;ed of an d i am looking likek my mom kninow. see the resemblaece?

p\s: off to penang.

unforgettable affair.

and no you dont just check it out.
you do other things too.
you stare hard, choose and buy.
the magic word here is BUY.

beli in malay.
mai in cantonese.

UNTITLED AFFAIR
click now. or else

p/s: i scream on the top of my lungs, whats going on?

hey! whats going on?

i had goldfish eyes the whole day.
i guess it was too much........
too much of everything
i tried to be strong and then just maybe i am a weak-ling.

NO! those pictures were beautiful and ever loving.
and it fitted nicely in your page.
you shouldnt have.
it only reminds me that i can do better in time.
and my insecurities will always lie dig deep.
eh your words were rubbish la, you never kept to it.
you never did anything to make me feel special,
what more with the 3.78 i showed you?
i wait...........and wait no more

can i have my summer sunshine?

p/s: i want the guess watch. am i asking for too much?

I SCREAM WHATS GOING ON???????? I SAID HEY! WHATS GOING ON... HEY?

i think fergie was wrong when she said, "big girls dont cry"

big girls cry.
i cry too.
i cried for 3 hours, ..
definitely not the longest,
but after quite some time of not crying.
and then not only did my heart feel heavy, but everything attached to it.

sometimes its good to cry it out, after all, keep it in for what eh?
for the banks to burst and you drown in your own tears and die?

but crying for long hurts. i mean...then
i got a headache.
i was coughing non stop.
i could hardly open my eyes.
i was like on a roller coaster, because my heart was "duk duk duk duk duk duk".

i slowly pressed my hand on my naked chest and held onto it so hard and asked God to spare my pain.
best part? he did.
i fell off to sleep after much tossing and turning.

anyway, fact is... big girls cry. even more than babies. hahahaha!

you're my sunshine after the rain.
you're the cure.
but i am not losing my mind.
and its not because of you.

it will ALL get better in time, irene!
and so enough about pictures and smiles.
i think i will go psycho.
damage done and i leave it.

okay anyway i want retro this weekend.

just so the world knew, i have a new happy song.
its "im yours", ..
no its not about the lyrics, but the tune that makes me smile everytime i hear it.
and when i decided to take a look at the lyrics, a few lines caught me.

look into your heart and you'll find love love love love

at the moment, i am pumping on God's heart.
he gave me his heart because mine is...... M.I.A

heart owner: Irene
heart age: 19
heart colour: bright vibrant red with black lines
heart size: XXX Large
heart last seen: 4th July 2008, in Port Dickson
heart description: not available


and it's our godforsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

to the point please. sorry i cant.

you know the feeling, when you do not keep in touch with friends but out of the blue you decide too? sometimes it can be weird talking to a friend again after ages, and then it feels like the person is no longer a friend, maybe an acquaintant instead? more over the conversation thats taking place seems odd somehow. and somehow it just difficult to start a conversation? i mean it happens, its normal. be it a guy or girl you've lost touch with, sometimes it does feel funny talking to the person after so long, i mean the feeling is like, i want to talk but i dont know how to begin and the topic? would it be appropriate? and its just GAH!

alright, shit happens! but its just amazing. i have my fei-T's. i know what a weird name to call the 5 of us, BUT so what? right? cos at the end of the day, how many people actually walk out of school still keeping in touch with their friends? and this buncha girls i know, is.. well, they know me. the true irene. and well even though we do not meet up as often, i mean school's out, i dont see them everyday and we dont sit in the front row yaking away before school starts and shout at the prefects BUT we do see each other. want to know the beautiful part of meeting up every once in awhile? we feel comfortable with each other, we talk like no tomorrow, we irritate till everyone gets annoyed, we make fun and still act dumb, we listen and be heard, we trash it out, we cry and laugh, we joke and we know when to be serious, we are like what we used to be. we are just us.

i mean we have all come a long long way. yeah pretty long i dare say and it is just simply amazing. i mean these friends i have made are like jewels to me. they know me so well. they know me well enough to even tolerate what i put them through and i can say i tolerate what they put me through too. hah! and its just amazing i must say. having these girls in my life. its clear that we make new friends and we move along with life and what it has to offer but it is just amazing that we are carrying the frienship we've all built along the highway and byways of our lifes.

oh well. God is great, he created people that i can call friends. and definetly my fei-T's. why we're called fei-T's? dont ask. we were young and i shall stop here. hah! we've done a lot together. a lot means a lot. typing this, i am just thinking about school days. okay there were a number......

1. we tried playing truant, and it didnt work. why? i am miss conscience! whenever we all agreed to skip class, i'd be the only one who'll say, "you guys, are ya'll sure? i mean what if teacher finds out? we're in YCS remember? we all have a post there." yup, you know i am the one goody two shoe in school then.
2. we always made so much of noise during recess that all the other groups of girls would turn heads and stare hard. and that being said, we'd make more noise. and when the prefects were rounding up their duties, we would tease them and do all sorts, all in the name of fun.
3. we always walked out of school together, yes the five of us, in a row across the field, and another scene would take place at the school gate when we bid our goodbyes. funny how we looked like we'd never see each other again when we see each other the next day at school.
4. we would talk and talk and talk in class, with a teacher or without, oh there was an exception for our math teacher. that we were quiet, for once i would say? i mean talking was one thing, talking loudly and irritating the rest of the class was another. and yup, we always did the latter.
5. we will do the darnest things during assembly. i mean there was the whole imitating other girls, and then talking about the teachers and this was a double must, bitching about how annoying our headmistress voice was, at the same time complaining how loud she can get.
6. we would sit in the lab at the back i must say and it would be our handphone party time. well there was the messaging boys that was all to gugugaga about. then there was the taking pictures like no tomorrow.
7. we also tried skipping a seminar but we got caught a few minutes aftet that? duh, how do you expect the roots of a tree thats growing wildly on the ground and the tree to cover 5 girls? silly us. but that was super funny, first time skipping something and getting caught by our teacher.

deng, the memories, thinking of it and writing this only puts a smile on my face. i laughed out loud. cos damn it was a lot of things that we did together in school. and here's to my girls, andrea, delaine, marcia, michelle - my sisters.

p/s: i love you!

as we go on we remember all the times we had together and as our lives change come whatever we will still be Fei-T's forever.

argh - its an expression.

note to self.
there is NO MAID in the lewis' residence.

therefore, ...

1. i need to wash whatever kitchen utensil that i use not leave it in the kitchen, dining, room or hall.
2. i need to hang whatever clothes i tried on and do not wish to wear, not chuck in on the floor, in the cupboard, on the bed, on the table.
3. i need to take rubbish out of my room when it is full not continue to let it over flow till it falls onto my floor.
4. i need to wipe my room not let the dust become a 'cake face layer'.
5. i need to make my bed every morning not leave whatever thats dropped onto the floor stay on the floor, and the blanky and pillow look like its in a pile of shitz.

besides that, i've been doing my laundry. one up!

its sunday.
and i am home, i am starting to enjoy the home-y feel.
i see my family and its the best feeling.

p/s: i will update on my friday and saturday night soon. oh and my sunday morning. promise is a promise.

for now i have to be "kak maria" and hit the work.

you know....
i clipped my fringe back because i like my arch-ed eyebrows.
no, you dont stare at any other place besides my arch-ed brows.

i realized it isnt that hard after all, i stopped my nonsense.
that has to be by God's grace.

maria.... do work!

thank.the.lord.it.is.friday

i left school about 2 years ago and ever since, my malay language has been pretty cha, meaning bad. note: i do not like speaking that language for personal reasons.
i've been getting confused quite a bit with words.

the difference between...
pengapit and pengepit
haru and garu

well briliant me thought...
pengapit was thongs as in the clippers you use to take food, etc.
haru was scratching.

so i found out....
pengapit is the bestman?
haru is ... miss? or longing?

and even what i found out i cant remember. okay the brain is pretty rusty now.

p/s: off for massage now with mama.

brave.r

i told myself to save the trouble, tears, and unwanted feelings.
and look, i know no one can help me through this if i dont help myself.
so i lift my hand and pray.

and i await another day.........
how about chores?

my results will be out soon, i cant wait.
how weird but i think i did o-kay to begin with what i said.
and so i think i deserve something for my results.
im looking at 4 D's.
psst, i saw this guess watch. i think it readS rm599. or somewhere around those figures.
dont know if it was a 5 or a 6. but i am certain about the 9's. ha!

p/s: someone told me, "smile, you're still young!" and i'll reply, "okaaaaaayyyy"

hey mickey?! dont break my heart mickey?!

i AM happy.

because you loved me.

livin on a prayer

i type, read my nonsense and back space.
EXCEPT now its no longer good happy nonsense....
its something i myself cant comprehend.
sucks.

the "how are you?" question is often a soft ball always thrown back at the person when i get it.
and what am i to say huh!
"im alright", "im okay", "im good".
fcuk this blunt answers i give. somehow i cant lenghten it, thats as much as i can say being the chatterbox me.
i dont know actually. i dont know what will make me on top of the world?

i am sick of this.
i have been typing and back spacing almost everything i feel.
shucks.

i cant eat i cant sleep anymore. i wish i didnt miss you anymore.

harder than i thought.

can i call?
everytime i close my eyes, i thank the lord that you look happy now.

best friend of mine.
can you mend my broken heart?
can you make my smile last?

p/s: can i call?

i am stronger than i know.

the buzzing of .... did you see the picture?
then i thought why not?
so i decided to save it on my desktop.
the picture is as you can say lar, "staring at me" now.
does it hurt if you ask?
NO! it will only make me stronger.
damn i had the gutts to save it.
a lot of you wouldnt.
moving on.....
i did the necessary.
i stared at it, so damn hard.
the picture i mean.
i can trace the picture.
i disected it.
and to my surprise.
i now know i learnt something out of the years.
wanna know what is it?
its like the movie i cant remember the title though.

i know your smiles.
there's so many you give.
so many to study and poke into.
you dig me?
BUT that smile you gave in that picture ....
was well, how would i put it?
YOU WERE FUCKING PIST DRUNK WHEN YOU TOOK IT.

YOUR EYES SPEAK TO ME.

DAMN IT DOES AND RIGHT NOW,
I CAN STARE AT IT EVEN HARDER AND ..
SPIT IT AT YOUR FACE THAT IT WASNT THE BEST SMILE YOU GAVE!

i thought it would hurt but god is so good to me.
i thank him that i can stare at the picture and smile and say,
"it was another one of your drunkee nights?"

p/s: ...to my ladies out there, lets toast to men who drink, get drunk and MAKE THEIR GIRLFRIENDS DRIVE THEIR drunk body HOME.

to my readers who are blur, this is it.
i will summarize it, and i wont make a top ten list.

my stock in shares are rising.

before i close my eyes and go to sleep

...i thank god for today, the sky and the sun, my family for sure, my friends who are here, my bestie who puts a smile on my face, and for everyone in this world that the lord has created.


...i smile and know that i didnt have a bad day after all because i am not going to sleep by drowning myself in tears.


...i hope that tomorrow will be a day with no regrets and full of smiles instead, with no worries and full of laughter instead, with no anger but full of happiness instead.


...i tell myself that i will be better in time to come and this phase will be over before i know it and that there are people out there, friends in particular that cares and loves me for who i am.


...i remind myself that there is a purpose i live on earth and i am not-that-bad-after-all and i am still available in the market, haha! thats to convince myself, no doubt it is a fact.


...i lastly talk to god and surrender my all to him because only he can make me happy and set me free.


p/s: im alive!


my god is an awesome god, he reigns from heaven and earth, with wisdom power and love, my god is an awesome god.


there is nothing i cannot do in the one who strengthens me!
therefore i can live tomorrow.

killing me softly.

i type and back space.
i type and back space.
i type and back space.
i type and back space.
i type and back space.
i type and back space.
i type and back space.

maybe it is because i dont want you to know.
damn right, my feelings are tangled in me.
and for the first time i am crying.
i need to go out.

my teacher told me, it is alright to cry.

im yours?

enough.

i cant fight it.
the battle is over for me.
i suck, end.
and i cry, fuck whoever said it was wrong to cry.
it took me awhile and i finally did.
the memories? what about them irene?
irene? knock knock.
why does pictures only tumble my smile?
its just a phase.
get over it, irene lewis.

p/s: im the loser in the battle. the winner in his heart. i leave it at this.

i think about you when i see our pictures.
smiles. remember?
i wrote you something before.
smiles. remember? go dig.
i want you home.
and dimwit irene.... get a life lor.

summer in the winter sky. spring in the autumn leaves. i miss you.

how was i to know?

a man can kill and still be the sweetest thing.

what is wrong with women these days?

p/s: say goodbye.

day4: singapore

awake at 11, and was talking about MOS to cousin, mama, and aunty.
laughing at the chinese, white, black and venezua-lian.
so it was like a knock in my face, not a slap.
that im going back to reality, to be honest, the holie was a fantasy.
and so we left for vivo city for lunch and shop whatever we could buy.
up the bus and the 3 girls fast asleep. why? the timetable was a bit funny.
wake up 10 - 11 am, sleep 3.30 - 4.30 am.
the ride home seemed too fast, and damn it was federal highway.
im home. and tired. and trying to get the hang of reality once again.

p/s: i was looking at pictures and it sucked so bad. because i miss and i long for.

is it me you're looking for? i cant see it in your eyes.

day3: singapore

not that late a morning again.

today's plan - sentosa, and ministry of sound and/or zouk.

sentosa was great! we went on the luge and skyride. 

and then it was r&r on siloso beach, nice.

oh did i mention that we ran for the bus?

yes with the crumpler, i ran!

and the line for ticket purchasing for sentosa was so long.

havent waited for quite a while that i got kinda irritated.

but yeah all was good when we made so many photos!

night time was good food again.

and clarke quay, again.

we went to a bar and was listening to retro.

so since in clarke quay, it was MOS, here we come! 

MOS was good, deff.

so the night was retro all the way.

it was 3 girls and clark quay, we managed.

left for home at 3.30am.

a lot of things wont be mentioned.

besides - chinese, white, black, venezua-lian. 

men can be stupid, and the rest unsaid.

p/s: going home today.

i think a lot, but i pray and pray for you, yes you.

day2: singapore

up and about late. so day started at about 11? 

orchard road, we went. 

walk walk walk walk... bought a pair of flop flips, lime green.

had "tai chow", so laker the food.

friday night and st. james power station.

powerhouse, the boiler room, dragonfly, movida.

it was all good, just slacking one thing.

however, retro and r&b hip hop was all good to go.

house and trance was 'bear-a-ble'.

off to bed at 4.30am, late night, again!

more updates when i get home.

p/s: off to eat 'lau lin'. durian i meant. 

day1: singapore

ate bakerzin, linguini in pink sauce and my usual tapas.

bought a pair of charles&keith heels, first.

went to the arena in clarke quay, danced and had a good time. 

...i was approached by both gender, male and female.

the girl spun me around and started dancing with me, that was like woah??

the guy came up to me, threw me his name and a compliment and i only got the latter.

ha! its all good though. 

p/s: having a good time, deff!! 

do you have to let it linger?

it happens, all the time

when you're looking for something you really want, you cant find it.
ring a door bell? sure it does.
so the latest on my list was a new bikini.
why? i mean everything has a reason right?
my pinky is fading and if thats lame, this is lamer - i just want a new one because im going singapore.
was looking high and low, call me a fussy bikini user but my bobo grandes cant simply have the no support 'wan la hor'. *noticed my chinese side started appearing? i think it is because of the bangs. hah!

in a nutshell, i couldnt find a bikini.
why? im fussy and outta time.

so instead of that, ...
i got my nails done.
its fluorescentorange and mattebrown.
happy. happy. joy. joy.
oh and a pair of guess heels too.
and thats a one up.
happy. happy. joy. joy.

p/s: im off today!

what a feeling, ..

just sometimes the compliments whether said with meaning or without makes me smile.

it is nice receiving texts of reassurance, about anything.
bestie told me this, "your presence to the world is priceless"
then it reminds me that i still make a difference in someone's life.
good enough.

i occupy myself, and think of nothing.
of late i've been into lame jokes, also known as 'lawak bodoh'
i think that is the right malay term.
it didnt come from my briliant brain but of another.
but hey you know what? i laugh, over and over again.
and so what if its lame? it makes me happy and it is good for my heart.

so what a feeling...

p/s: off to singapore tomorrow.

its not sad. its entertaining. - i will carry an umbrella.

its been sometime i wrote good nonsense. this gives me a reason to rubbish it out now. and it begins......

saturday night and we're alone in the room. tick tock tick tock. the lewis' had dinner together. whats next? usually the besties do dessert, all the time. so we decided dessert it shall be. bakerzin* since its been awhile we had our tapas. and it begins there, again.

this is not 2girls1cup. infact it is, 2girls1camera. so we whore whore whore. i mean, we make photos la. and out of the many, this is up. why? significance? only pretty girls get their way around. note: there is no more bakerzin in m'sia = no tapas! BUT, we still got our tapas! so yums to strawberry 'cukulat' fondue.

so we'll be growing old and having our tea in places like this. fact, we know how to enjoy the moment. see us sitting there? this is oriels, not bakerzin yeah! dont walk in blindly like us, but so what? we got our fondue. well said.

so maybe the shoes will say where we're headed too next. if not it'll be the flop flips. so jeng jeng, mojo working with us.

yeah then again we dont need the whole world with us to go anywhere. we were there, up there. just talking, laughing, and deff making more photos!

another one for the album. we danced. we laughed. we stared. we had a good time. nice hor? i know. its beauty.ful

candid i assume? but yeah, thats my 'chipek' bangs. i was bored, so what right? my bestie thinks i am pretty. scooooo "ugly betty", "aunty may", "china girl".

so the invention of timer is the best thing when there's only 2girls1camera. and no photographer. but eh, i mentioned in some post long ago, "i will hire a photographer so that i can enjoy the moment as i cant multitask; enjoy and catch the moments." so this 10 second self timer was somewhat-not-bad-at-all

so the saturday night was woahhhhhhh. why? delaine had me la. duh! :) and so *alot of things not mentioned* better left unsaid.

p/s: re: umbrella, to whack the coco banana's!

she makes me smile with her sepet eyes.

all we need is this.

irene + delaine

sometimes its nice to know that..

that we can do anything and everything with each other.

throw us anywhere, we'll survive. hidup*

it is amazing, what we have.

no, you dont know. it is.

beauty.ful

three ants

its my blog right?
so i cant say vent and shout whatever i want too right?
i have no sadistic people using my stuff right?
okay, fact.
i had a good night yesterday, with someone.

i am alive, thank god!

this world is too big small. i am walking in circles. i think i am fainting.
okay dont ask. i dont know. sad? no. happy? no. mutual? dont know.
got it? i dont know.
wait one thing i know.
jesus loves me. :)
saw my* man today. psst!
wanna know something beautiful?
i still smile.

p/s: off to singapore in 3 days! :)

raining at night?

then i said,
lets go play in the rain, we'll wear a shower cap.
just in case.

everyday i seem to be doing the same stupid thing.
i am sick of doing it actually.
maybe tomorrow there's got to be a change in the routine.
screw that.

eh eh...
why did the pig cross the road?

i mean, you know why did the chicken and the elephant crossed the road.
can you answer? hah!

okay so weather man is not being friendly today.
he is so not.

p/s: im not feeling well.

little bit of love?

movies watched over the break.

1. the nanny diaries
2. the hulk
3. made of honor
4. definately maybe

thats that....

this weekend is not productive!

p/s: i was bored. i went to the salon. cheap do. diffrent look. =)