sick with a heavy sexy voice.

sick.
so drove to the usual clinic.
close.

calls mama.
"the old town clinic close. where to go?"
"assunta out patient"
"but i dont have much money to pay."
"then sign card"

went to assunta.
saw the doctor.
went to pay bill.
he saw the bill.
"am i paying the bill or what?"
"no, i will pay"
BAM! i saw it.
clearly stated.
one hundred and thirty nine MYR only.
sign la. what else.

the difference between clinic and hospital.

but yay, i got my taste buds back! :)
yesterday was torture.
ate everything with no taste.

p/s: i need something sweet. mouth has a very funny not-so-nice feeling.

bloody saturday

my day-ish

woke up at nine and went back to my room to sleep.
the sun shinning in the other room, to bright.
i cant stand it.
and that was the end of it, sleeping with my hp i mean.
calls non stop from nine till ten something.
the last call woke me up from a night mare.
thank god for that.
off to gillin, and for luncheon.
craving chee cheong fun and i got it.
it always go around my clock when im there.
ate like a pig, for sure cos i was starving pretty much.
and then everything kicked in.
didnt feel too well and plans crashed before me.
everyone left for go kart.
i am just too weak to pick myself up to go.
slept and woke up and couldnt go back to sleep.
wished for a moment that i didnt wake up so i wouldnt be doing this now.
watched dirty dancing after years.
i think the last time i watched it was when i was a kid, six i guess?
i wasnt suppose to watch it alone, anyhoo, whatever.

its like this.
ha chu! *blows nose*
(2-3 minutes)
HA CHU! *runs for the tissue again*

p/s: got a hair wrap and the lewis' said its nice. jeng jeng. =)

year of the snake. bla

i dont usually read stuff like this.
BUT, i was at the salon doing my hair, alone.
and magazine was all that could entertain me.
i bore easily, remember.
so i read.

characteristics.
snakes are charming, peaceful, wise and intense with a tendency towards physical beauty.
vain and high tempered, you love beauty and have fine tastes.

your style and passion.
the female snake loves to tread dangerously on the road of love.
she's seductive and extremely feminine even if she's strong and dominating by nature.
beneath her cool and arrogant surface, the female snake believes love is the most important aspect of her life.
once she commits, she loves wholeheartedly.

_____________________________

anyhoo, im amaze myself that "eh some things that are mentioned are me lar"
i guess a snake will always be a snake.

the part, ....
"once she commits, she loves wholeheartedly"
oh thats something creepy.
nah, dont believe in it.
but i find it pretty interesting.
cos hey! im half of what is claimed by some
feng sui master!

no i believe in jesus, and him alone.
not rubbish as mentioned.
:) peace.

what is it now?

i havent been doing this for awhile now.
thats because uni has been in my way.
its like this..
okay todays assignment and presentation is done.
now i worry about tomorrow's.
like what??
no life!

but anyway its all good.
a little update.

took arcylic nails off, got a manicure and pedicure.
done with my assignment for journalism.
went to batu caves for the first time.
had chilis after so long with mama,papa,and edwin.
went to atrium. second time and deff the last time.
had good seafood, thai food, and burger after lent.
no time for gym, uni being a pain in my big bumm.

bouncing off.
getting agitated.
dont know why.

something rare.

this evening i will be going to church.
i will be looking beautiful.
why?
because Jesus will reign and be seated at the right hand side of the Father.

want to know the beauty of my God?
he took my sins and laid down his life for me.

the past days going to church.
this has often been mentioned..
"they hated me, they will hate you"

i watched passion of the christ last night.
yes, after so many years.
(note: never wanted to watch it before because there was too much of an exaggeration, i thought)
but i finally watched it.
and i still cannot believe how much HE went through for me.

i say this with a smile and tears in my eyes.
my God is beyond amazing.

p/s: im going for easter vigil mass.

jinx. forever?

for the past years, i realised something.
i knew how to cry and laugh hard.
hence, i had this theory.

cry hard = laugh hard

its simple.
you laugh your heart out, lungs out.
you're bound to cry as much or even more.
correction, I, i mean.
(note: on the same day)

today i laughed so much.
(note: havent been doing this much in a day)
no, when i mean i laughed so much, i did.
i laughed so loud, hands not closing my mouth, you can see my tonsils.
i made everyone laugh at my laugh.
i made people talk about my laugh.

till tonight......
the well is bursting in me.
i cried. i know i will cry.
and that sucks.

i hate it.
i hate thinking about the fact that i will cry later (on the same day) after every laugh.

but i guess the beauty of crying would be that God knows and he is with me.

psst.
i laughed and cried today.
did you?

p/s: the hair has been fine at zero maintainance.

birth.days and irene.

so many birthdays.
not to say that i cant wait for mine.

but i just enjoy saying "my birthday is coming"

talking about birthdays... let me voice my opinion

i dont see why people enjoy celebrating their birthdays in clubs,pubs,bars.

1. drink
2. drunk

need i say more? oh boy, i can!

its a gala at the begining, when drinks are going slow. as the crowd begins to enter, the drinks go faster. and before you know it, the birthday boy/girl is a goner. falling all over the place, vomiting, causing a hu-ha. then the next morning comes, and damn the birthday dude cant remember jack! who was at the party? who was high? how did i get home? who helped me up? who put me to bed?

and i dont want to say anymore.

note: its so boring lor celebrating your birthday in a club, you do that practically every other night.

grip a life. dont stop till you die.

birthdays would just be awesome with family and friends,wine and dine,be merry and happy with no OVERDOSE of alcohol.

whats the point of drinking when it controls you and not viCE verSA.

p/s: my birthday has got to be good and everything more than that because i deserve it.

n.b. i look at alcohol from my own big dimension. nothing similar to yours.

too much is something i just cant have enough

now i just dont know what the title is about.
but that was the exact words formed in my big brain.

the whole of today, not whole but half i mean was comtemplating on what should i do with my hair. so i spoke to a couple of people. but before i could speak to more, i told myself not to waste my time and hit the salon.

straighten or perm?

i never had a permanent stylist and salon.
i skipped and jumped to almost anyone.
from upstairs apek salon to chezz.
and today i thought that maybe michael *chezz* could tell me what is to be done with my hair.
i made sure he was in and then i showed up.

"so what do you want to do with your hair? cut?"
"no! i dont know what to do. my hair is freezy. i need to wake up without doing anything to my hair"
"you want to perm it?"
"what say you? should i perm or straighten?"
"perm"
"okay, now, i dont like putting any mouse or spray on my hair. i like it to be soft and nice. i dont like to do anything with it when i wake up. "
.....it went on

whack only la. my style. as long something is done.
note: i bore easily. i hope i dont straighten it in a months time.

and then came la,
use this product and that product...
and bam! i bought shampoo, conditioner and hair lotion

so tada.
new hair.

prior to this, i was having a conversation.
"the next time i am going to do anything with my hair would be in may, before my birthday"

ha. ha. ha.
alright maybe then i should colour it. (:

p/s: i am left with 500. there goes half on my hair. other half on spa, shopping, presents?

life?

picture this.

you give irene a box of assorted chocolates.
she receives it with open hands and smiles.
she opens the box and look at all the beautiful choco's.

irene - fussy.

she picks and eats her choco's.
no nuts in my chocolate.
no liqour in my chocolate.
no white chocolate.
no mint chocolate.

plain dark chocolate.
plain chocolate.

thats my life summed up in a nut shell.
a box of choco's.

p/s: the pictures cant seem to bring back any nice good ol memories.

n.b. i still dont know what to do with 1K that is still tied with a rubber band in the envelope.

big girls dont cry. stupid.

i was kneeling and praying.
and the hymm was strong.
it got the better of me.
i was crying with my eyes shut.
"im sorry, im sorry" thats all.
i couldnt stop, the tears were rolling.
my heart was trembling, i was aching.

i stood up and said i was sorry.
i put on my shades while at the pew.
and i walked out of church.

i did a walk of my life to the car.
i got in, started the engine.
and i just sat there crying, so much.

i yanked the seat belt, and moved.
i drove off, crying not tearing.
i was talking aloud, why? why?
took a slow drive home and was still crying.

i reached home, took my shades off.
wiped my tears and got out of the car.
eyes still red and puffy.
i marched straight to my room.

i kid you not, i had to keep it real.
i didnt want my mama and papa to see,
that i was hurting, so bad, so much.
so i pulled off the fake me.

horrible.
ugly.

big girls dont cry, i wish.

p/s: i am forgetting. everything that i remembered.

so sick. of it.

it has just come to the point that i want to give up and be free again.

the fights, arguments, yelling, screaming and ETC has just hit my head *like having an orgasm*
and i just want to break free. again

i cant stand this nonsense.
its not good enough for me to rant.

and i dont get why people tell white lies.

i just have to say..
damn men.
damn their sweet nothings.
damn their money, i have enough.
damn their love, i have it all.
damn their patience, i can do without.
damnation

p/s: i am done with "the pact".

hate with so much passion..

i pantang quite a bit.
was what i said memories?
damn, it is the worst shit of memories i guess.

girl.
high.
low.
bastard.

p/s: you dont know what i am talking about. because i dont know either. so smack my goose nonsense.

sometimes its nice to know that even though people do not know what i mean, they enjoy the collection nevertheless.

pure pleasure. (:

grandparents tale.

RE: kong kong and por por.

was talking to mama in impression, our facial place.
planning our next appointment.
next friday we have a dinner to attend, so she said.

"can you imagine i actually forgot my mother's birthday"
"are you serious?"
"yes it was on the 2nd, last week and no one wished her"
"then how?"
"we lied to her that her birthday is on the 8th because we all forgot. i usually remind everybody but we were nicely having fun in genting on her birthday."
"huh? *laughs* check her IC la"
"IC states the 8th but we have always been celebrating it on the 2nd"
"oh IC same case like kong kongs?"
"yes its wrong"
"oh my! you'll are mean"
"its okay, she's old and she cant remember. she is going to be 83 you know!"

and again mama was talking to me, in the car on the way back to the office.

"oh dr. lim thuan seng went to por por's hse the other day to see kong kong."
"for what?"
"was telling him that he doesnt have to go and vote"
"oh why? cos it will come to him?"
"no scared he goes there and starts signing his name all over the paper"
"hahahahahah"
"thats all he knows what and how to do now"
"so mean!"
"after he go and 'palang' the wrong thing"
"are you serious?
"yes, he is capable of just signing his name there"
"hahahahhahaha"

mind you, my kong kong is 102 years old!

i have it. :)

my hippy name is

Irene Clover - Rainbow Jessica - Willow Lewis

armageddon.

at last i would say.
it wasn't something i wanted to watch though.
it was just that i was walking by kors room and sound was booming so i popped in to see everyone's eyes glued to the notebook.
anyhoo, i thought why not?
obviously i wanted to watch it with somebody.

"i know this is so out of the topic, but have you watched armageddon? cos i havent and ian says its a good movie"
"armageddon? i dont think i've watched it."

so sundays plans.
shopping.
armageddon.
massage.

so the "must thing" for watching movie at home were tidbits.
so it seemed. strawberry, biscuits and chocolate sauce.

turn the air-con on.
shut the doors and curtains.
blasted the tv set.
sat and watched.
and cried.

there didnt seem to be any emotions on the other side.
wondered why.
everytime a sad part came, i'd say "so sad".
but no response.

after the movie was laughs.
so i wanted to know badly.
"okay seriously, wasn't the movie so sad? i mean one man sacrificed himself to save the world"
"wait, good friday we will go to church and see if you will cry"

and BAM!
*keeps quiet*
made me realise....

p/s: i got my reward. *big broad smile*

so funny lor.

he and i were walking in midvalley.
mainly shopping for him.
we were in metrojaya and he was looking at clothes.

conversation took place.

"thats the type of sweater i want that the mascot is wearing."
"you mean the mannequin"

and damn it was hilarious!
but i contained myself.
now i will burst!
ha. ha. ha. ha.

kuku ku.

following up my please see.

the nails are beautiful now.
that much i must say.
well it must be for the price paid.

anyway my finger nails are *fill in the blanks*
short.
i mean compared to the nails i had for the past three months.
now i can dig my nose and ear,
and when i dig it i can feel it. it meaning my own ear and nose.
typing on the keyboard is way better than before.
errors made are less frequent.
striking.
i have 6 different colours on my nails.
my french tips are beautifully done.
thumbs red and silver.
indexs yellow and gold.
and the rest purple and silver.
very 'keng le'.

my toe nails on the other end are *speechless*
so not me to have a light colour painted.
but yeah it was either green or orange.
and the green was sweeter, i should say.
anyway i got my pedicure done before filling.
so lar, i thought.
that toe nails were dried when i got home.
for dinner, i slipped my pretty toes into my peep toe.
when i came home, while bathing i was staring hard at my last toe.
so kantoi, both legs last three toes gone.
was thinking for a bit, why this time so bodo?
no lar, just slipped off my mind i would say.
designs on my first toe is in white.
mama says, "cannot see lar"
i say, "trying to look sweet."

everything looks pretty now. :) its all goose.

p/s: i went for massage tonight. and realised that i cant be living like this anymore.

title: there is a fear in me, talking about my holy matrimony.

how do i even begin to say this..,
i just cant trust men.
or rather, i doubt them just all the time.
then they'd say,
"how do we trust women?
you think women these days are any better?"

thats not the point.
thats not my point.

well, now that i am matured enough to have conversations of such with my parents, cousins, friends, etc i find that, damn this is so not what i want.
yeah, the whole happily ever after is what i used to want.
now, i know thats not all that i want. there's so much more to it than just that.

cheat and lie.

i see couples, i mean families too.
all the love in the world shown.
the perfect family, so it seems.
but the underlying secret cuts.
just damn deep that i hate to see.
see the family i mean.

cheaters and liars.

such a loving couple, many might say.
getting along so well, the rest gossip.
but knowing the truth, suck.

and now when i think of my prince, i know i want him to be perfect.
but thats just asking for way tooo much. but hey, im scared.

im scared to let my heart go, get smacked down and thrown back.
im scared to love and get hurt, right down face flat.
im scared to trust, because of cheaters and liars.
im scared.
i am shit scared.

why the sudden bam on marriages?
i was talking to mama.

p/s: mama and i got our nails and hair done today. our nails are sparkling and looking so gorgeous. but mama says its a sin to splurge what we did because it can feed a family for a month. i guess its true. but mama and i enjoyed ourselves so much. next up for mama and i would be spa. hush!

saturday morning.

mama called. (:

"hello can i speak to miss irene jessica lewis"
"mmmm, i am sleeping"
"you've just won a free gift"
"what gift?"
"a free trip to JJ nails with your mom"
"oh we're going?"
"yes you can enjoy your free gift with your mom"
............ it went on

and i finally get to do filling.
i am already thinking of what design i should do this time.

off to JJ. :)
happy weekend!

p/s: yesterday wasn't all that bad.