and action

wala, i have not been frequently updating - no connection at home and basically the only time i am online is when i need to do uni stuff.

now you know!

on a week break and then its back to hell in uni with assignment due dates galore.
scares me to think of it but no action is done - suddenly everything 'else' seems more important than doing my research. heck, if there is one life long good lesson that i have learnt, it would be WORKING LAST MINUTE UNDER PRESSURE!

mmmm, strike a chord? this 100% assignment based course was not what i expected it to be. fair enough no exams sounded whack but then again now i solemnly tell you that assignments are whacker than you thought.

mama love [like how the mr. handphone says it] is on a holiday. how cool is that? nah, that is not the cool part. she is in london, travelled manchester and spain. and that is still not the cool part. the coolest part is that she is travelling with her friends, at that age, which friends you say? yearp, her taman petaling high school friends [same batch]. sweet.

and its left with the rest in the house, working together to keep the house looking sane. so i do miss my maid. and not for me to shout, 'tolong bawa babi saya' but for her to help around with the insane chores. see, the problem is.. the men in my house [indian i must stress] has the indian blood, no less. but my dad has been good, especially with the chores. and of course, the bumm in the house though half indian acts typically like one, whereby the ladies only do the work. and men, can eat and leave the kitchen in a mess, clothes dumped for clean up and the list goes on. pulling through i must say...

been trying to do a spring clean in my mail inbox, not working. should i just delete everything? then again, i cant hear your say. simply because this website is NOT AT ALL user friendly. sad sad. i think by now IF i had a chatbox, it would be spammed with your comments [nothing good?]

so four friends left for studies this month. sob. and i have decided not to leave and join the clan. it feels like yesterday when we were in school so uncertain with what we were going to do with our lifes, and now everyone is leaving to achieve their dreams.

and what will five years from now look and feel like?

in the past few days, i caught a few movies. and suddenly it dawned upon me, WHY THE PIRACY RATE IN MALAYSIA IS ON THE INCREASE AND WHY EXACTLY WE CANT CURB THIS PROBLEM.

mmmm, remember watching movies and suddenly blur - and me, half of the time laughing a few seconds after the joke, and slow to almost everything, if they are going to keep censoring a 18PL/SX/SG movie, i am going to keep buying the RM10 dvds to get the joke. ok no? yeah, i know you can get yours for RM8 or was it RM6?

p.s. i am a happy girl.

i need to have a life and make my blog happy.

so blog happy irene.jessica.lewis

you deserve the truth, i deserve nothing.

i am back.
and i handed in my first assignment today.
it kind of felt good so i put on my heels to school.

it has been a few months now, so fast.
everyone is leaving, the year is ending.

and then i would be done with my second year degree.
another year to go and i graduate then.

cameron highlands was good stuff.
after so many years, it feels good going for a camp, sleeping in the dorm, writing letters and praising God above all.

if there was one thing i achieved this year and would be so proud to say..
it would be having the thought of serving God and actually executing my words.

and then i cry and ask God so many things.
and i pray and hope things will be better.
and i also question him, above all.
why did this happen to me?

i try to persuade myself that everything happens for a reason.
but how do i believe myself when i dont see anything changing.
am i a liar?

i am so curious, i want so many answers.
my questions are never ending, i cannot stand this.

i was actually on my bed, ready to sleep but i just kept thinking and thinking, my mind running in an open field and then suddenly falling from a high waterfall.

then again what am i rambling on about?

fact of the matter,....
maybe what i am going to say will only make me regret it someday.
or maybe what i am going to say will change things forever.
or maybe what i am going to say would not even matter.
or just maybe what i am going to say is nothing.

but deep down this heart of mine i am screaming yelling shouting and crying.
and just maybe deep down my heart i am smiling and thanking God for what he has done for me, for what i had, for what i lost, for what i still have....

i had and lost a best friend but what i still have is memories.
sweet, sour, happy, painful and well just about everything my brain allows me to keep.

the world can say one thing, but i always say the other.
i gave you a chance to show that you were otherwise.
i gave you a chance to prove that you were not what they said you were.
i gave you a chance to show me that you cared.
i gave you a chance to prove the friendship we built was worth every tear i shed.

sometimes in life, you lose what you have, you get what you deserve.
if you think this is unfair, i think it is fair.

i had a best friend and she chose her *censored* boyfriend over me.

i hope this makes you laugh, because it made me cry.
i hope this makes you cry, because it made me numb.
i hope this makes you numb, because it made me hardcore.

p.s. pathological liar is your new title.

best friend was over rated.