lovers for all time sake, besties.

all i need to know.

makes me happy.

(:

three in the morning.

the moment.
it was there, lasted while it did.
and then gone beneath.

i dont get you.
first you show it off.
then you hide it.
why not just throw it?

you irritate me, bitch.
hi there bitch.
i met you, seemed nice.
i left no question marks.
now, you seem to be closer than i thought.
look, your stunts are getting to me.
but you can have my boyfriend now.
take it.

yes, not the cookie jar, you.
he was fucking contemplating on you.
you, bitch.
happy?

and you, im not jealous.
i like this game.
well played.
i dont believe in revenge.
i dont believe in karma, either.

i believe i deserve the best.
and yes, from the first day i met you, you were a chinese bitch who only could throw me a compliment because damn right, chinese dont fancy me to throw you a compliment back.

have him, leave a light on, im gone. (:

p.s. dont call me. im talking to bubu.

hold on, world.

everything seems to be moving at such a fast pace. its morning when my eyes are open and then its the next day. not in the right state i guess. im so uncertain. i think i dont know it. but i know i want it. i know what i want, dingo. i want to be happy. sue me, would you, its a crime to be happy.

if life was human, i can see him standing in front of me laughing at how screwed up everything is. he is banging the table, standing and squating, laughing at me, till he cant even catch his breath. mimicking me. you think it is funny? i dont. because thats exactly how i laugh, banging on the table, standing and squating, laughing till my stomach aches. so unfair.

changing everyday. like black and white, what opposites. thats what i am. i changed. quit it.

p.s. you have my heart, so dont hurt me. please.

why is it a must do?

lying on my bed with her, talking about the past week.

conclusion is; every night was outing with the boys, every night was home 2,3,4 am, every night was shisha-ing, every night was for laughs, every night made me happy.

it felt like i was still in school, except that now everyone is grown up.

my question.

are you happy?

yes very happy.

no.

ok la.

so so.

yes.

the answers i received, ah, made me happy. because we're only human. not barbie, remember?

something weird but worth sharing.

the only mini.series that is a triple must watch is one tree hill. and it can be a fact that no one likes watching it with me. that's because i pause whenever i hear a life lesson. i pause, and i pause pretty much that a 40 minutes epi can go up to 1 hour. back to my life lessons, there's something i take for every epi i catch. that's the best part of it. and my drafts are nothing but things to remind myself, like why this life is worth living the other way around.

you know my fav. songs are the ones OVER played yea? and thats why i can do my very own sing-scream-a-long in the car. but there's a song, break even. which got me thinking quite a wee bit. but heck this.

i end.

there is a reason for every soul breathing to be HAPPY.

robert louis stevenson, there is no duty we underrate as the duty of being happy.

p.s. you can break my broken heart. god is great.

it takes only a song or two.

it's that easy, to make myself happy.
and only i can do it.

did you know that my fav. songs are the songs played 10 times on the same day and station.
and love story makes me believe that there are still fairy tales in this century.

and so im not going to diss you on the internet.
cos heck, my mama taught me better than that.

(:

im not going to compromise my christianity.
but it wont stop.

p.s. my life is joke like; serious and full of me.

still comes hapiness.

un.product.ive with three exclamation marks

it happens, you know, when you feel like a bummer because it is already evening, the sun is going down and your day did not even make any sense to you. as though it was better if you slept till the next morning as this half hanging feeling just makes you feel like crap;for not doing anything, for not making the day worth.

well as for me, i slept. and slept and slept. was in pain, so much pain. and i cried and cried, buckets of tears over so many things. the period cramps attacked in the morning. i sat on the throne as though the queen but in so much pain and stress. i cried and rolled back and forth till i eventually fell off to sleep. i woke up and the pain was gone, holding my tummy, i was scared that any pressure put would just make the pain come back. i cried over so many things, yes, no back pain, breast pain, swelled breast. just a gush of emotions that plays with your brain and treats you like a barbie; blonde.

but i realised something;while crying

it is okay to cry over anyone who isn't worth your tears [if you think] because you're not barbie, and you have emotions.

so this whole whatchumacallit 'emotions' it seems always messes with me during this period of time. i take it as, "okay, i rather cry over rubbish than hurting over stomach cramps" sometimes i wonder when will this pain stop attacking me. it creeps me to know that the dosage is getting higher and i am not getting any better.

its evening, almost night and i sit stoning. brain dead like. but hey did you know,...

the day was unproductive because sleeping and crying didnt make me happy. but i smiled at someone, and im certain i made that certain someone happy. actually it is called self satisfaction.

p.s. the pain killer fought the battle and died. now, another dose of it, to fight another battle. what my life is like, didnt you know?

enough isnt enough till you hurt like a bitch.

why did i use the word 'bitch'?
i wonder.
but then again, it is a fact.
it hurts.

now now....